Moments of My Mind

2010-08-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

moments stretch before me....
moments i look forward to
moments i long for
moments i wish that i could endure.

situations appear
and i hide
i dream of a life
perfect.

full of my wants.
every dream possible.
all my actions - planned to enhance
the world, enhance
my being..

being me can
-is, deceiving....

those pushing in- are not welcome
those invited- do not come
those i dream of- are only that...
dreams.

i will wait.
i will, am, biding my time.
perhaps i will learn the desire to spend it wisely.

till then-
it is me
solo in my solemness
wishing for the world of wonders to
re-appear,
wondering if
i have already wasted
those best
and wondrous
years.

i hope,
maybe i should pray
but,
so many things-
well,
it just doesn't seem worth it.

i think perhaps
that is my problem.

but in a world-
absent of all- with
only, maybe
a splash of color here
and there
and dreams sprinkled
here... and there...
awake,
or asleep,
at times it all blends....

and then what?

and then what i ask you sincere?
it all blends for me,
so what ?
now how can i see
to make my life
something better
since i am
living?

law

2010-06-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

i sit
i hate
i wonder
i cry
i try

i know
that this is not the way
not the path

i am missing the journey

living in life
in the feeling

feeling

is the way
the path

i run
i love
I KNOW

i try
to live

2010-05-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

hey life! here i am!

where is my space. do i belong? i feel life is passing me by.
because of being passed-by,
i pass my time (most of it anyway) wasting it.

perhaps if i felt part of life, i would attempt (to) or already be part of it.

i used to live, so i thought

but now, now what?

Who am i? can't i live?

i know things i could do - but, its not that those things are just hard to do...
i would have a hard time upholding those things and continuing on with
desired intent (or goal)- from projects to relationships

Well - in another show of what a waste i am (as it appears to me)
i am done
i cannot keep my thoughts straight.... but more so, i do not have thoughts
any
none
done =

always. me.

2010-05-11T17:51:00.001-07:00

Today's outfit. Cute and comfortable.

2010-05-11T15:00:00.001-07:00

Accessory ideas. It is hard to tell in this pic, but necklace is made of a glazed sea shell giving it shine with some coloring mixed through it. It is corded with beads in a variety of purple shades. The earring are pretty kool. They are made of string to resemble the eye on a peacocks feather using dark blue, purple, and teal. I think either would do. But only one or the other. NEVER both. Two big pieces together is a mistake with this outfit. Have a nice day, its raining here, will have to find a different outfit to actually wear today, new outfits paired with rain doesn't work for me.

2010-05-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

Shopping today!

Shirt; Fashion Bug: $14.49

Jeans; Target Massimo Bootcut: $19.99

Shoes; Target Xhiliration Cork Heels: $19.99

Bag; Tj Max: $16

Total Outfit: $70

An outfit well under the $100 mark. All pieces are very versatile. $Money well spent.

Just Another Day

2010-05-10T18:58:00.001-07:00

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime® 6.5 or higher is required.

spaz

2010-05-08T01:11:00.000-07:00

day at the dentist.
up 4:30am to make it to this dental seminar where they were doing dental visits/proceedures for free for people without insurance (however, anyone could be seen since nobody ever asked if somebody already had insc.)
anyhow, i am so embarassed
a day filled with tears, shaking, and uncontrollable trembling
not worth mentioning
especially since nobody reads this

2010-05-06T21:39:00.001-07:00

test. msg from phone 4

----------ok, i will not get discouraged... message to self

anyhow,

here i am. after a few failed attempts (and a couple finished posts i deleted by accident) ...... i find myself pretty amazed at my technical ability to connect my phone to my blog (even if the directions were pretty damn dummy proof).

perhaps a bit presumptuous to connect my phone to this blog, but actually it just shows my dedication. my dedication to the idea that this blog will help pull me out of my own misery and get my life back on (what i consider to be- "on") track.

it is amazing what you thoughts can attract. i had started to write a couple of days ago. my intent being to get myself writing again and to feel better and stop ignoring life. with that were my constant thoughts on these writings (and the ones i missed writing the days in between), and mixed with desire- my thoughts attracted the perfect idea/solution. blogging. something i really know nothing about. now miraculously (kinda) this blog (along with phone connection) came to be so simply and so easily i can't not think that it is meant to be.

my thoughts created it, it came to me.

a good day

2010-05-06T20:48:00.000-07:00

6 May 2010

a beautiful day outside
with wind whipping through my hair
i want my feelings to be as beautiful inside
as it is beautiful outside..

an attempt at writing, a step in the right (write) direction (haha)
after a few days hiatus,
my fingers once again grace the key of my computer
and my mind tries to grasp hold of a thought floating through my head

i used to be so smart - i think
so many ideas, desires, dreams
so much energy, time, accomplishments
now,
now what?
i can't be less smart?
i feel if i had good ideas again, my ambition would come back
i have so much time now
time i am wasting -
when all i used to dream of was time
time to do all the things i want to do
now here is the time, where did my ideas and thoughts go?

perhaps, i am smarter than i used to be. along with my new found
"smartness", maybe i realized all my previous thoughts and ideas were trash.
now since i am the most intelligent i have ever been, even though i
thought i used to be smarter, i am so smart to now know i really am
not smart at all.
does that make any sense?

i blame it all on developing my frontal lobe. i was much smarter without it.

now frontal lobe, what shall i do?

A Quick Start

2010-05-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

1 May 2010

So, this is my beginning.
I want to be a writer. To do that, I must write.
I need and desire to write.
I feel stuck -
what to do....?
This I suppose, is my solution.
My goal now is to write daily.
For how well I do, and how interesting these passages will be
-will be in stars...... and for us (me, myself, and i - perhaps a small audience)
to decide.
Best of luck -so it goes.
And so do I. This is the end of my beginning for today.
Ciao - for now